Friday, July 07, 2006
We've gotten back both bio and chem papers. Did badly for both papers. So everyone, please don't talk to me on anything about results. Spent the whole of yesterday's afternoon crying over my chem paper. I know it isn't right to cry over split milk. But I did study. Just didn't know why everything became so screwed. I did every chem tutorial question but look what i've got. There're people who put in one-tenth of my effort. Yet, their score is like double of mine. Maybe my studying method was wrong. Maybe I started too early. Maybe I was too nervous. Maybe it's because it is my first time. And maybe it's because I didn't fully grasp the concept. I don't know. So many maybes. But fact is, I did badly for my mid yrs. You would say all is not over yet. But hell, no. Everything's over. Because definitely, I would do worse for both my maths and econs. Chemistry used to be my pet subject. And now, it has became my worst. Bah! I think i've cried till the tears in my tear gland has been totally wiped out. Now, I still feel sad when I think of my results. But I can no longer cry it out. Whatever it is, really no point harping on results anymore. I guess I'll just have to move on. But I really feel that I've let my ownself down. Can't help but feel sad you know.
Anyway, on a different note, today's Jiejun's birthday!
Happy Birthday, Jiejun! Hope she'll be able to see this. If not, nevermind. (: Had my individuals/sectionals today. Practised Carmen Suite. All the running notes and all that. I still cannot get it and I think I'll screw up badly tomorrow. Ah, I'm such a letdown. Cannot even play the pieces resonably well. Tomorrow I'm dead. Either you'll hear me play wrongly or you not hear me at all. I feel band's adding more stress to me. I've to worry about my lousy sight reading, whether I can play well or not and whether I'm in tune. People can sight read so easily but I can't due to the lack of exposure to sight reading and also because I don't know piano. But who cares whether you learn piano or not. They'll just see you as one word, lousy. Maybe I shouldn't care so much about what people think of me. But I cannot even live up to my own expectations. It's really disappointing. Or should I say, I'm really disappointing.
Project work meeting today. Quite nonsense. Didn't get much work done. Hopefully, everything goes well with what we've planned. And most importantly, group members do what they are supposed to do. (Seekiat + Germany gang, if you all see this sentence, you all should know who I'm talking about. ) Hahahah.
Germany vs Portugal! Germany will win! Go Germany! Go friedrich! I'm so looking forward to watching friedrich play! Yes, can't wait. Well, at least there's something I can look forward to, and enjoy and which makes me not think so much about my results.
I finally realised that exams are really not a good gauge on how intelligent you are, or how capable you are. It also doesn't reflect how much effort you put in too, as seen in my case. I'm really sorry to make this post so gloomy, but that's just how I'm feeling right now.